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01 August 2010 @ 10:16 pm
TODAY I WOULD LIKE TO TEACH THE CLASS ABOUT SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS AND HOW TO NOT GET PREGNANT.

DON'T HAVE SEX.

SCHOOL SYSTEMS HAVE RECENTLY STARTED GIVING OUT CONDOMS AND I OFFICIALLY DO NOT APPROVE. IT IS DANGEROUS ENOUGH HOLDING HANDS. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG SEMEN LASTS EXPOSED OUTSIDE OF A TIMELORD BODY? EIGHTEEN YEARS. THAT IS TOO DANGEROUS A SUBSTANCE TO JUST BE FLOATING ABOUT IN A VERY THIN SHEATH OF PLASTIC. TIMELORD VICTORIOUS SEMEN(TM).

PS DON'T LISTEN TO ANY MADAMES BECAUSE SOMEONE'S BEEN SPREADING RUMORS THAT I DANCED ALL NIGHT. FALSE. SUCH FRIVOLITIES ARE FOR WOMEN OF THE NIGHT AND JACK.

ALSO I THINK SHE ROOFIED ME. NOTHING ELSE EXPLAINS THIS APPALLING DISPLAY OF ORAL TONGUE SERVICE:

 
 
03 June 2010 @ 12:17 am
OH HI EVERYONE

ANYWAY:
AMY AMY AMY,
I KNOW HOW ~AVERSE~ YOU ARE TO BEING CALLED CHUBS AND GETTING KNOCKED UP IN GENERAL SO I BOUGHT YOU GIFTS!!

FIRST:

CONDOMS! THEY HAVE HOLES POKED IN THEM ARE MULTI-COLORED, FOR YOUR PLEASURE. BC AS YOU KNOW, YOUR PLEASURE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME, MI AMORE, MAMACITA, MY SHINING METEOR, ETC. ETC.

SECOND:

A NEW BIRTH CONTROL PILL REGIMEN! THEY ARE WELL-DISGUISED IBUPROFEN MULTI-COLORED TOO!

NOW ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS *CHECKS CALENDAR* YOU ARE STILL OVULATING, AND I KNOW HOW HORNY YOU GET DURING THAT TIME OF THE MONTH (AND HOW VIOLENT) SO I THOUGHT, SINCE I PURCHASED PLENTY OF ARMOR FOR YOU, IT WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA FOR US TO GET DOWN AND PRO-CREATE.

Y/Y/Y?
 
 
26 May 2010 @ 08:08 pm
I'M HOT. MY BATHING SUIT IS HOT. IT'S HOT OUTSIDE ...



... BUT THE WATER IS DELIGHTFUL. POOL PARTY ANYONE?

ALCOHOL TO THE LEFT. BATHING SUITS OPTIONAL.
 
 
04 April 2010 @ 03:57 pm
I'D THOUGHT THAT THIS EASTER WOULD BE NICE AND QUIET. PEACEFUL AND... CHOCOLATEY. AND NICE.

(/GWEN. AND JUST IN CASE MY LJ-CUTTING SKILLS STILL AREN'T WORKING, I ADVISE YOU TO LOOK AWAY IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE SPOILERS ABOUT... NOW!)

EASTER IS UP TO ELEVEN. (AKA, SPOILARZ)Collapse )
BAH.
 
 
Current Mood: gloomygloomy
 
 
05 February 2010 @ 10:16 pm
IDK HOW MY TARDIS WENT TO VEGAS WITHOUT ME BUT THERE ARE SOME AWESOME MASQUERADERS PASSED OUT IN THE STORAGE ROOMS. SO MANY FEATHERS!

TO CELEBRATE AN OVERABUNDANCE OF UNNATURALLY COLORED FEATHERS, I AM THROWING A BOACOSTUME PARTY. ALSO BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD ME I SHOULD BE MORE SOCIAL :(

EVERYONE'S INVITED! EVEN THE MASTER :|

THERE'S TEA. :D ?

AND... AND ALCOHOL. AND FIZZY DRINKS. AND HAMBURGERS. BYOJB.



.....SOMEONE PLEASE COME ;___; THAT WAY THERE'LL BE MORE THAN ONE PERSON AND THEN I CAN SAY NOBODY CAN GUESS WHO I AM!


 
 
23 January 2010 @ 08:41 pm
WITH THE HELP OF THE DOCTOR,  a_bit_put_upon , (AND SOME GENETIC MATERIAL FROM tentaclechinny ) I MANAGED TO COMBINE THE DNA OF TWO DIFFERENT SPECIES!



YOU KNOW.

FOR SCIENCE!

 
 
23 January 2010 @ 02:34 am
*SHE PAUSES A MOMENT, AS IF CHOOSING EXACTLY THE BEST WAY TO ADDRESS THIS TACTFULLY*

NINE...DEAR *SAID AS NICELY AS SHE CAN MANAGE, ALTHOUGH IT COMES OFF A LITLE OBVIOUSLY ANNOYED AND YOU KNOW, NICE NEVER REALLY DID SUIT HER* WE NEED TO HAVE WORDS.
 
 
22 January 2010 @ 09:50 pm
OH MY GIDDY AUNT! :O

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
 
 
22 January 2010 @ 11:45 am
WHOEVER LEFT A BOX OF KITTENS AT MY TARDIS DOOR, THANK YOU.

THE SENTIMENT IS APPRECIATED, ALTHOUGH REALLY I PREFER PUPPIES.

THEY'VE DESTROYED HALF THE FURNITURE, BROKEN MY EXTREMELY IMPORTANT HAT STAND, AND TRIED TO ELECTROCUTE THEMSELVES BY CHEWING ON THE WIRES AT THE BASE OF THE COLUMN.

THEY'RE SO PRECIOUS. :|

THE NOTE IN THE BOX ABOUT ME BEING A TIGER WAS SLIGHTLY MORE APPRECIATED.